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Sage Autumn

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Shouting into the Darkness [06 Apr 2017|09:37am]
Shouting into the darkness in case anyone is listening... I'm switching/switched to Dreamwidth.

In theory I might be more active there, but... maybe not. I do tend to log in every six-eight months and catch up on everyone.

Mostly I ponder setting up a step-momming blog, but it would need to be So Tightly Anon I can't even imagine how to do it. :)

End of an era.
Take care. Be safe. Don't get dead.
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?! [07 Oct 2010|07:14pm]
Dear LiveJournal...

Why are you showing me herpes meds ads over and over??

Are you trying to tell me something? Cause we are really not that close.
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Reminded why I'm not a parent... [06 Oct 2010|08:34am]

I see a headline like the article above, "Mom Tapes Toddler to Wall"... ...and think, wellll... given the options between losing it and taping a kid to a wall--the wall thing doesn't seem so bad. I can think of choices where it would be the sane option.

Of course, I also don't entirely see why you can't put a kid in a closet for a time out--if the closet is safe, lit, and a time out is a matter of minutes not hours or days. Heck, some closets are about as big as some of my bedrooms were when I was little.

All that said, if you read the article... ...I'm totally not okay with taping a kid to a wall for a long time, because you're high, and being all mean about it. That's a horse of a different color.

And in all honesty, I'm not a parent because my marriage was messed up for a long time, and I saw/see having a kid as a really bad thing to do to the kid in situations like that. Plus my husband wasn't ever around, and didn't talk/communicate/etc when he was... so there's the whole "If I wanted to be a single parent, I'd've been one" thing.
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Antibiotics [05 Oct 2010|01:49pm]
These may seem silly questions, but due to a skin spot/infection they've put my pup on 750mg antibiotics, twice a day, so now I'm wondering...

a-- Will this cause potty issues? If so, any advice on what to give her to help that not be the case so much?

b-- How likely is it she'll get a yeast infection? I know dogs can get them, but I think? it's usually young pups? Again, any advice?

Megan is a 65 pit bull mix. The lesions are on the left side of her face; one along her cheek and another above her eyebrow--they are "my face will fit under this fence, oh, no it doesn't, here let me dig a little, how about now? Nope, still doesn't fit" over and over spots.

For both things, I'm thinking yogurt... but I don't know if I can get her to eat plain unflavored yogurt, and I don't know if the sugar in other yogurt doesn't outweigh the benefit.

(cross posting to my own journal)
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Color Meme... bom-bom, checka-checka ... Ohh yeah.. [04 Oct 2010|02:41pm]
Comment and I'll give you a color that I think represents you, and then you list ten things you like in that color! Added by Sage: If you want to know why I chose that color, I will also tell you... AFTER you post. (so it doesn't change your answers)

nounsandverbs gave me yellow*:

1. dandilions
2. squash
3. citrine
4. pears
5. my living room walls
6. art/stained glass
7. lemon meringue pie
8. the sun
9. cheese
10. fall leaves

I have to say, I had a hard time coming up with yellow things, esp ones that weren't food. I must not notice yellow much. I really really do like dandilions though.

which I have to say is not a color in a million million years I would ever think anyone would link to me, and I'm very curious why that one, while wondering if he's just being silly or difficult... ... hmmm reading comments maybe it was just not repeating, too... dunno dunno... ... maybe I'm just that cheery?
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Dating Advice... but pretty much only for guys... [24 Sep 2010|10:38am]
The best dating advice (for guys) I've ever heard was something that seemed pretty simple. ASK GIRLS OUT.

My best friend wasn't the best looking guy, didn't lead the most interesting life*, and he hadn't had a date in ages. So he decided he'd try to have thirty dates in a month.

Mind you, these weren't serious dates. They were for coffee, or lunch, or a drink. Sometimes they were more, most often they were not. He asked out pretty much every woman who seemed even remotely interesting (in _whatever_ way) TO him. They didn't have to seem interested IN him**, there didn't have to be much of a spark--he was looking for coffee, not a lifetime commitment or anything. If it went well, fine... if it didn't go well, it was just an hour or so--no harm, no foul.

He got lots of dates--he ended up with about 45 or more if I remember correctly. A lot of the women were "out of his league", and, sure, a lot of them weren't--but they were all practice. He also got LOTS of rejection--which was also good! He learned to be able to accept the rejection, to handle it gracefully, and to not let it get to him.

This is still the best advice I can think of, if you're out of the dating scene and want to be back into it.

It's sort of a longer version of the best pickup line... which is simply, "Hi."

*though it was interesting enough... he didn't creep people out or totally lack social skills.
**they also didn't seem EXTREMELY NOT interested--again, he didn't totally lack social skills.
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Writer's Block: My Personal Concert [11 Sep 2010|09:33am]
If you could have any musician or band play live - just for you and your friends - who would you pick?

EASY. Billy Joel.
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Interesting Site [14 Aug 2010|12:33am]

Probably not safe for work... ...but can't really tell what it is unless you know either...
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Writer's Block: Something like that [12 Aug 2010|02:25pm]
What is the BIGGEST lie you've ever told?

If it's something I've gotten away with so far, why in the world would I out it now?!?!

Besides, you don't know anything until I know you know something, and even then... what you think you know? you don't know.
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Hitting on People [22 Jul 2010|08:33am]
It is really annoying to live in a world/time where it is so hard to make a comment without it being taken as hitting on someone. (Or, perhaps, this is my own social anxiety talking... not sure.)

This morning I wanted to send* a male on my friends-list a private message... something saying I sort of got what he was going through, and he wasn't alone in his feelings. Nothing more, just... hey, I get you and where you're coming from, if you need to talk, I'm 100% outside, not invested, and am willing to listen**... and because of the nature of what's going on, I didn't send that since I was concerned it'd come off as "let's get clooose".

Which, I'm fine with getting closer to people, but not THAT sort of close. I've got some stuff in life going on I'm happy with, and and some crap going on that doesn't need more complications. So I really didn't/wouldn't mean it that way, but would it come off like that? Dunno, and I guess I'd rather err on the side of caution.

Last night, I read a post on facebook to which I wanted to respond, "In the most platonic way possible, that is incrediably hot!" ... ... which I really am certain there isn't a way to say without it being weird. But hey, what she did was really sexy and neat and whatever... and I have ZERO feelings about it other than "Wow! How sexy that she does that*** herself!"

* and did end up sending a very generic message
**because, FOR ME, there are times when it's way way way easier to vent and talk to someone who has ZERO investment in a situation
***physical labor, typically done by a male... totally unsexual
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Naked Pictures... [12 Jul 2010|07:22pm]
Some of the guys I've been involved with have liked the porn*, some either haven't or hid it so well that I never knew (which is really well indeed!), some have LOVED the porn.

Mostly I don't care. Lemme rephrase that and be more honest... ...mostly I don't care, so long as they're open about it. Being all "I.do.not.do.that!!!" or "I hardly ever do that!!!!" or even, "I do that maybe a little," when your browser history shows hundreds of things per DAY... ...that shit pisses me off**. It pisses me off even more because I don't care. If you're going to lie about something I don't care about, then you're lying about all the important stuff too.

(It also is annoying when a browser history is way way way clean, when I know that's not the case. WTF. Again--if you're like that about the little stuff, the big stuff is even more.)

This entry has gotten away from me!!! All that crap above is NOT what I wanted to post about!

Looking backward, I really do appreciate those guys who had a variety of women, or who liked stuff that I could (in theory) be somewhat considered in. It's not that I don't expect them to look at/like the tiny blonde girls, but when they're mixed in with women who sorta look something like me... that's nice.

It means I can see you being attracted to me, or at the very least, not repulsed by me. For a girl that's pretty repulsive to the majority of the population... that's kinda important. (Well, okay, if not important, at least NICE.)

Soooo even though NONE of them will ever see this... ...for those guys that liked a variety--thanks. :)

I need to say... if tiny blondes are your thing, then hey, they're your thing. That's fine. I'm not holding it against you that that's your thing... I'm just baffled why the hell you're with me, when that's your thing!***

*yes, to me pretty much anything that's not arty and is naked pictures is porn... I'm semi-aware that porn has somehow become more video only, I've no idea what just non-moving pictures are called... ...since there IS a difference in my head between porn and erotica. (erotica is arty, porn is more obvious/vulgar)

**In general, I have to say being all "I DO NOT DO THAT!!!!!!" when it's really really obvious you do, pisses me off. It also really really upsets me when I see you doing whatever that thing is, or find out that you did. EVEN if it's something that I really wouldn't normally care about AT ALL. (A great example of this is Calvin swore he DID.NOT.DRINK. When I looked up and saw him downing a beer... I was PISSED. Don't make something a stance and a big part of your persona, then do it... or rather, don't expect me not to be surprised, shocked, hurt, and ticked off.)

***There are other things that I just don't get... but I'm not getting into those...
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Tennessee/Gatlinburg/Cabins [12 Jul 2010|06:50am]
I've been going for a couple years... here's what I've learned.

1. Take your own toilet paper.
What they supply is crap, and it's not worth the hassle. Plus you'll be in and out of the hottub, and the pool and doing walking... scratchy-scratchy is bad always, but worse then.

2. Either take charcoal, or don't.
If you take it sometimes, and not others... you'll always guess wrong. So either carry it always, or plan on getting it if you need it.

3. You're taking too much food.
I suspect this is different for some people, who never take enough. I can easily see it going one way or the other. We've gotten better about this over the trips, and have it about cut down to the minimum (cutting it too close will make you feel stifled and your choices limited).

4. If you're going for the shopping, the crowds, and the sites/shows/etc... stay in a hotel.
The prices are very low, and if you're not spending time in the room... why pay the extra?

5. If you're NOT going for the shopping, and just going for getting away... cabins are totally worth it.
The right cabins are awesome.

6. If you have a cabin, do all your laundry before you leave.
It's GREAT to come home and not have any dirty laundry... it doesn't take hardly any time to do it there while you're watching a movie, or whatever.

7. Factor in the time it takes to get down the mountain, and the time it takes to get through crowds/traffic.
It's so easy to be late for stuff, forgetting it takes an extra 20+ minutes just to GET to the main roads.

8. If you've something you really like, take everything to make it happen--don't assume it'll be there.
Some cabins will be really well equipped, others will have hardly anything. Some that are well equipped will have everything but a cork-screw or a lighter or whatever cause some jackass stole it.

I'm sure there are others... but that's what came off the top of my head.
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Not Posting Stuffs [07 Jul 2010|02:59am]
Here's some stuff that's crossed my head to post about but I haven't...
(so I guess it's sorta? a post??)

I went shooting for the first time at a range with Dan. It was interesting. Not quite sure what I think... pretty sure I don't know enough to know what to think. Well, I do know one thing--I need to figure out ear protection*. It's really really annoying how sound-sensative I am**.

I saw the whole Lady Gaga/bisexual label issue thing.
While I do agree 'bisexual' doesn't describe it, I have often wondered... okay, then, what is the term for someone who enjoys sexual situations with women but has zero desire for a long-term romantic relationship/future with a woman?

I'm on vacation!! Yay!!
I said I wasn't going to work at the mall any. I've been there most of the day for both Monday and today/Tuesday. But I didn't get paid, and it wasn't the full day... it was a choice and somehow that makes it different.

I'm VERY VERY dedicated to make sure that my vacation is a good one. I'm hoping this doesn't have to be by sheer willpower. So far, though? My vacation has been pretty awesome.***

* in my perfect world, I wouldn't hear ANYthing, but I know this isn't really reasonable. I also think it may not be desireable, though I'm really really not sure why I think it might be a bad idea.
**Shooting is NOT the only place/time it's annoying... I have trouble with sound pretty often. I'm also pretty light-sensative. It's annoying too!!
***Friday I went shooting with Dan, then Jenny/Kat came over and we cleared out the guest bedroom. Saturday I spent the day at home? maybe? I honestly can't remember what the heck I did Saturday... Sunday I went to Farmer's Market and there was a family cookout. Monday I spent helping Gran at the mall, so Dan could fix her car for her. Today I took Gran's dog for a bath and nail clipping and also took some stuff in to the mall.
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TV Shows I Watch [01 Jul 2010|12:28pm]
Stuff I watch... or try to... yes, I do watch a bunch of TV. Well, I DVR a lot of stuff and watch it all at once. I was talking with a friend about how you can sort of tell what sorts of things a person likes from what they watch. So I thought I'd toss up what all I watch.

I will, of course, leave a bunch of stuff out, since I always do.

Army Wives*
Criminal Minds*
In Plain Sight
Dr. Who
Drop Dead Diva
Brothers and Sisters*
Men of A Certain Age
Celebrity Apprentice
Undercover Boss
Gary Unmarried
Cougar Town*
Modern Family*
Top Shot
Warehouse 13
Royal Pains
Burn Notice
True Blood
Grey's Anatomy*
Private Practice
Big Love
The Gates (kinda, I haven't decided yet if it's boring)
True Beauty
Top Chef
Project Runway
Miami Medical--

*tend not to make it more than a day or so on the DVR
--yes, I know they're cancelled/canceling. This happens to shows I like ALL THE TIME.
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... [01 Jul 2010|08:01am]
I thought I'd post some this week... but since the only thing that's really been going on is that I'm a girl and my boobs are really really really super sore... I haven't.

Seriously, every time I start to post I think, "What's up with me? What am I thinking about? HOLY CRAP my boobs are sore!!"

Exciting stuff, right?
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Writer's Block: No bloody way [30 Jun 2010|10:45am]
Could you ever be good friends with someone who hunted purely for sport?

Hunted bold what?

Oh, wait... ...unless it's me or people I know... chances are the answer is yes regardless. Unless they talked about hunting people, or whales, or polar bears ALL THE DAMNED TIME, in which case... I tend not to be friends with anyone that talks about the same thing ALL THE DAMNED TIME*.

*I suppose children are, grudgingly, an exception... but some days I'd pay to get my friends to pick another topic than their kids. Mostly just one friend, and I'm related to her.
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Bandwagon [25 Jun 2010|03:32pm]
Kinda jumping on a bandwagon I've seen on my friendlist. I've never been the post-y... I'm one of those that just comment a lot. I do, I admit, post a decent amount on Facebook, where it can be short and sweet and doesn't have to be a long thinky post. So I'm not saying I'm going to post a lot... I probably won't. I may start posting on things that I've thought about to post--just the ideas, not the full posts... who knows. I DO think those sorts of thoughts a few times a week.

Maybe this is the result of having a lot of authors and thinkers on my friends list, but unless I have a lengthy, thoughtful, well-researched post... ...I pretty much don't think what I have to say is really worth saying here. Facebook is facebook, who cares if I'm wrong there, it's just crap I'm spouting off with anyway and what's going on in my life--in short snippets.

Facebook has one large failing for me though.

My parents. And my siblings/sibling-ishes/whatever.
All of those relationships are very complicated for me.

My half-sisters friended me... first my eldest (who is exactly a decade younger than I), then the youngest (who I think did it at the urging of her best friend who also friended me), then the middle one (who I think was giving into some weird peer pressure thing from her sisters). Then my step-sister--who I have met perhaps three times--sent me a request, and I confirmed that request also.

They've no idea who each other is (are?)*, so that's not the weirdness. My mother is also my friend, and that IS weird... but not what I'm talking about today. Nor am I going to talk about how weird it is to try to appropriately communicate on a personal level with three sisters I adored, but haven't seen for about ten years or the turbulence of the time before that--which is and was totally weird.

Nope... not those things. But my Lexie/Meredith Grey* moment, I totally want to spout off about that. And I can't do it on facebook, since as weird as the relationships with all these girls are--I do not want to hurt them, and I don't wish any of them ill at all.

But, but... BUT... YOUR parent is not MY parent. My sisters got a crap deal with my mom, so did I. It was NOT THE SAME crap deal. I got a crap deal with my dad, perhaps my step-sister did also*, but if she did it was reallllly NOT THE SAME crap deal.

So I censor myself a lot when it comes to my parents. I censor offhand-funny remarks where I could say "Geez! that sounds like my mom!" even when it totally does. I censor when I'm overly aloof or distant or overly logical or simply not there, and it reminds me of my dad. I censor silly meme's that ask things about parents--or I answer for people not my parents. Or heck, I censor simple moments and thoughts.

Because I don't want to hurt the feelings of people I don't really know... by answering stuff in regard to who people were/are to me--good and bad*.

My sisters don't know the 25 year old single mom who played "Worm and Squirm*", made Cream of Wheat for me while we watched Captain Kangaroo, and took me to work with her a lot and kept me in the car/kennel/tack room while she worked. They also don't know what it's like to be left in a van outside a bar in the middle of the night, to hear your mom didn't come home because she slept in a restaurant booth, to reasonably be Very Concerned about being forgotten somewhere, or to be three and stay up all night sitting on the very back top of a couch because she said she'd say goodnight and tuck you in--only to see the sunrise*.

My mom was craptastic for them too... I have no doubt. And in ways that I probably have only an inkling of... but it was DIFFERENT.

My stepsister doesn't even know the guy of whom my first memory is him sitting on a couch, telling my mother and I that he was moving to Seattle. Though, to be fair, I don't really know that guy either. She also doesn't know the guy that came back from Seattle(for a while), played D&D and volleyball with his siblings at huge family gatherings. Again, to be fair, I don't really know that guy either. But there's a whole lifetime of slivers and not-knowings and inklings and ponderings... ...and mostly he comes off as kinda a jerk. I admit, it is very hard for me to not ask her, "Hey, is he REALLY a jerk?!"

So, yeah... ...they're the same names, the same DNA... ...but when it comes down to it, they aren't the same person. They were younger. My mom had more potential.. and failed more stunningly. They weren't as experienced--at my current age, I have a lot of forgiveness in me for some of the crap from then. They simply, totally weren't the same people. In a lot of ways, they weren't even remotely close.

Your parent is NOT my parent.
And sometimes... facebook totally fails me... because I want to say something about my mom. Or my dad.

*I also sometimes entertain thoughts of pointing them to each other going--hey, that's who that is! but I recognize that's totally without point... ...and yes, would be totally weird of me to do, and likely for them also.
**those that follow will recognize the stuff that follows, because that moment of that episode was what clicked this issue into place for me.
***but not so much, cause her mom was/is kinda awesome, yo! and a large part of the crap deal with my dad was simply absence.
****I was going to say this is more of an issue with my mom... then I realized it really isn't, it's just a different type of issue with my dad--as in they pop up in different ways.
*****both of you flailing and kicking about under the covers until breathless, laughing as you do it until one of you says STOP--then you freeze... then someone says lllleeeeettt's WORM AND SQUIRM! and you do it again
******After all, there WERE reasons my grandparents sued for (and got) custody
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Rosemary and Rue/A Local Habitation/Feed [20 May 2010|02:44pm]
Review of three books I want to review/feel that I should because they're great and everyone should read them, and they were WOOONDERful... but I'm not a great reviewer, and they aren't the best reviews for the author. Sooo.. I'm burying it here instead of on Amazon. Out of respect. :)


Rosemary and Rue I enjoyed thoroughly*. New world, new ideas, new play on things, all in all a wonderful book. Twists that were realistic within the book, and where there was predictable it was acknowledged by everyone except the main character who was too blinded by other stuff to see it.

A Local Habitation and Feed... ...I had the same issue with both of them--the villians were predictable. As soon as they were introduced, I knew "yup, it was them". Here's the thing though... I didn't care.

In Habitation, I wanted to know more about the WORLD--the quirks and politics and... just the world it was based in. And the world didn't let me down, not even once, not at all.

In Feed, the world was well-built** (but by premise, not entirely new), and the action and how the action unfolded was different and new and wonderfully written... and everything was so well thought-out and realistic.

So... predictable, but I enjoyed the hell out of the writing... taking less than 24 hours to finish Feed, and finishing Habitation in about a day. Must be doing something right!!

*to be fair, I enjoyed ALL of them thoroughly
** both worlds are WONDERFULLY wellbuilt, thought-out, and... just... GREAT
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Writer's Block: Sheldon and Penny 4ever! [12 May 2010|07:38am]
Fanfiction: Do you love it or hate it, or are you totally indifferent? Why?

Totally indifferent.
Unless it's about pairings that aren't true to the characters... in which case mostly indifferent, with a dash of "That's stupid."
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Writer's Block: Back to the future [11 Apr 2010|11:13am]
If you were 12 and could see yourself now, do you think you'd be happy or disappointed, and why?


Well... let's see... ...EITHER I would be horridly disappointed because my life is nowhere near as grand as I thought it would be. Though, in this instance grand means fun, and filled-with-friends. Possibly filled-with-friends-and-acceptance. Though I've at least found the self-acceptance, just maybe not so much the lots of friends. I never have been very good at friends. I think it's a time-management issue now, so I guess there's that.)

OR... I'd just be amazed I'm not dead. I was having varying degrees of fun (which in this instance means a bunch of stuff I should've been doing--again, to various degrees)... hell, I was probably having more fun THEN. *dies laughing* I just couldn't see it. I couldn't see a lot of things. And didn't have enough/as much? something...maturity to but as much distance as I needed between myself and the bad stuff.

Hell, come to think of it, maybe the distance was the part I was good at. I've always been good at the distance part--still am--it was the coping and dealing part I sucked at, then. so I just didn't. ... ... Still don't, but do better than I did.
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